Jeremy Mohler

Writer and meditation teacher

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How to wake up before your life is over

May 20, 2020 by Jeremy Mohler

Why should you give a damn about mindfulness? Because life sucks without it.

Think of the last time you talked to a friend who really listened. Or explored a new city. Or had great sex. There was nowhere else to be and nothing else to do. You were present, vulnerable, and connected, and you felt fully, deeply alive. You paid attention without judging your experience, comparing what it was to what it should be like. You were mindful.

Contrary to the hype about mindfulness, you don’t need to buy it, read about it, or go out and get it. You can be mindful right now, as you can be at any moment. Meditation isn’t practicing how to be mindful. It’s practicing how to let mindfulness happen on its own.

Now think about pretty much every other moment of your life. Something felt off. Your body was tense, and you didn’t even know it. You wanted to be somewhere else. You had the sense that if only you had more money, lived in a different place, had a different job, then you’d finally be happy.

Let’s call that mindlessness.

You know when you copy and paste something, but you get sidetracked by a Facebook notification, forget about what you had copied, and then think, wait, what was I doing?

You know when you have 150 unread emails, six texts, 10+ Facebook notifications, and two missed calls?

You know when a friend is telling you how much their hurting after losing their job or getting dumped, but you’re thinking of what to say and miss what they said?

That’s mindlessness.

The mindless mind thinks about one thing, then thinks about another, then thinks about another, then thinks about another… Like a teenager on YouTube, it flips through related videos without spending much time on any particular one.

When you’re mindless, you plan what to make for dinner and the thought of roasted chicken reminds you of what you ate at Brittany’s birthday last weekend, which reminds you of that awkward conversation with Brittany’s new boyfriend, which makes you think you’re a socially awkward person, which…

If you’re like me, that should sound familiar. I’m almost constantly planning the rest of the week, worrying what someone thinks of me, ruminating about how screwed up our society is, rehashing old conversations, rehearsing future conversations, evaluating whether I’m having a good day, and on and on. I wake up and fall asleep scatterbrained every single day.

Unless I meditate. If I spend 20 minutes sitting in silence, noticing the movement of my breath, feeling bodily sensations, listening to sounds, most of the time calms my mind.

Not because I stop thinking. It’s a misperception that meditation “clears” the mind. Because I’m more aware that my thoughts are just thoughts. They’re not reality — they’re not as real as the breeze on my skin, the smell of coffee, the welling up of love in my chest.

That’s mindfulness. That’s, as scientist Jon Kabat-Zinn puts it, “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” That’s what it feels like to be alive in the body, not living inside the boundaries of limiting thoughts about how life should or shouldn’t be.

I remember the first time I got a whiff of pure, unadulterated mindfulness. A young Nepalese Buddhist monk named Tsoknyi Rinpoche guided about 200 of us through meditation and then talked about how mindfulness helps calm overwhelming emotions. Right around the first sentence, when he said something about “essence-love,” I tuned out. Looking around the airy sanctuary of a Unitarian Universalist church in fancy Bethesda, Maryland, I thought — I’m better than these people. I don’t need this hipster, rich people stuff. I’m normal.

But then Rinpoche joked about the poor quality of Indian hotels: “By the way, if you go to India, either stay in the cheapest hotel or a five-star hotel. Because the cheapest hotel is also no good.”

The muscles around my eyes loosened and my mind refocused. This monk, sporting metal-rimmed glasses and a fresh buzzcut, was normal, too. The judgmental thoughts I’d been absorbed in were now sounding at a distance, like the voice of a younger me. Mindfulness was giving me a choice whether to follow my mind’s every whim.

Instead of following those thoughts or checking Facebook or walking to the bathroom — my usual tactics of escape — I decided to re-engage and listen, which paid off. Rinpoche would go on to tell a story that’s been helpful to me at numerous times in my life, which I’ve written about.

Simply put, it feels good to be mindful. Sights are more vivid, smells more vibrant, sounds more spacious, tastes livelier, feelings deeper. In other words, mindfulness gets you out of your head and into the present moment, the only place that real life is happening.

Get my free ebook on meditation

My ebook, How to Get Out of Your Head, will help you start or stick with a regular meditation practice. Get it for free here.

Listen to my podcast

On Meditation for the 99%, I take mindfulness out of faraway monasteries, expensive retreat centers, and Corporate America, and bring it to work, relationships, and, especially, politics. Listen everywhere podcasts are available.

Anna from ‘Frozen 2’ was right: ‘Just do the next right thing’

April 29, 2020 by Jeremy Mohler

Two things keep coming to mind repeatedly during this whole coronavirus thing, both of which I’m a little embarrassed to share.

First, as hard as this is, it’s an opportunity. There’s nowhere to go, little to do beyond work, few distractions, no end in sight, and more choice over who I interact with.

I can’t help but slow down, which aims a microscope at my thoughts and feelings.

Talking with friends and family is an opportunity to notice who I become in their presence, whether I’m really listening.

Getting pissed at the Trump administration and the Democratic Party’s incompetence is an opportunity to notice how anger tenses up my neck.

Wanting to jump in the car and ride off into the sunset is an opportunity to notice how restlessness makes my leg shake.

Texting with someone I have a crush on is an opportunity to notice how badly I want them to like me.

In other words, this crisis—like any other—has a silver lining. It’s an opportunity to learn who we are without many of the routines, habits, people, etc., that normally comfort and distract us.

And, like it or not, we learn the most about ourselves through pain and suffering. “The enemy is a very good teacher,” as Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, says.

But, it feels wrong to say all of that. My little oasis of personal growth doesn’t mean shit compared to over 56,000 dead and more than 26.5 million unemployed. I sound like a venture capitalist but for emotions: “This is the best time to invest in yourself!”

Yet, I’m trying to allow space for all of it. Yes, we need universal testing, the suspension of rent, #MedicareForAll, and so much more. We need politicians who will fight for poor and working people. And we need emotional support. We need therapy, meditation, yoga, close friends, nature, etc., to help us wake up to who we really are.

The second thing I’ve realized is: everyone is just where they’re at on their own path, including myself.

As much as I want all my friends to see this an opportunity for growth, as much as I want Nancy Pelosi to truly fight for poor and working people, as much as I want to stop getting into bickering matches with my parents, I can’t control anyone else.

As spiritual teacher David Deida writes in “Wild Nights”: “An ocean can fall on your head, but if all you have is a thimble, then you can only catch so much.”

I’m embarrassed to say it because every life coach, spiritual guru, and their mother says it, but all you can control is yourself. All you can control is whether you’re willing to catch as much water as you can with the thimble, to feel the discomfort of taking one more step down your path.

It’s like lifting weights. I wish I could bench press 300 pounds. But the only way to get there is to lift the heaviest I can today so my muscles wear out and grow back stronger tomorrow.

Turns out, Anna from Frozen 2 was right:

I won’t look too far ahead
It’s too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I’ll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing

Or, as a business consultant who was interviewed in Tim Ferriss’s book “Tribe of Mentors” put it: “Make the next five minutes rock.”

Want to start meditating or meditate more often?

My ebook, How to Get Out of Your Head, will help you start or stick with a regular meditation practice. Get it for free here.

Listen to my podcast

On Meditation for the 99%, I take meditation out of faraway monasteries, expensive retreat centers, and Corporate America, and bring it to work, relationships, and, especially, politics. Listen everywhere podcasts are available.

Free weekly online mindfulness meditation, Monday 7-8pm ET

March 30, 2020 by Jeremy Mohler

Due to COVID-19, I’ll be teaching my weekly drop-in mindfulness meditation class—usually at Washington, D.C.’s Lamont Dharma House—online for the foreseeable future. Here’s the info:

When: Mondays, 7-8 p.m. ET
Where: Zoom virtual meeting (click to join when class begins)
Meeting ID: 418-044-898
Password: 085708
What: Accessible to all levels and includes guided meditation, a brief talk about the practice, and group discussion. Teachings emphasize the benefits of meditation that go beyond individual growth, by applying mindfulness to work, relationships, and politics. No registration or equipment required. Donations encouraged but not required (Venmo: @jeremy-mohler).

This is offered freely. Should you feel compelled to donate, you can do it through:

PayPal: jeremylmohler@gmail.com
Venmo: @jeremy-mohler

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